


Jealous of the angels

by singingdevil



Series: In which I hurt Iwa-chan in every possible way I can think of [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AND CRIES, Funeral Mention, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Iwa-chan sings, M/M, Minor Character Death, Oikawa tries to be a good boyfriend, Panic Attacks, and plays the guitar, they're second-years in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-21 09:58:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4824566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singingdevil/pseuds/singingdevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And then Iwaizumi is clinging to Oikawa's shirt for dear life, tears forming streaks on his cheeks and staining the setter's light blue t-shirt. Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi, quite surprised but more worried, and starts tracing random lines on his back."</p><p>In which Iwaizumi gets some bad news, is asked to perform at a funeral, has a panic attack, and it's Oikawa who tries to make things even a bit better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emerald1963](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emerald1963/gifts).



> Title from the song "Jealous of the Angels" by Jenn Bostic (I cried while listening to it ugh oh god). It's also the song Iwa decides to perform. 
> 
> I literally googled "funeral songs" for this.

It's a hot day. Really hot day, Hajime thinks as he stands up from next to Oikawa, who's occupying half of his bed, and heads downstairs and to the kitchen to get them cold soda from the fridge.

The air downstairs is a little bit cooler (not really significantly), but it feels somehow pressuring. It's ridiculously bright, seeing as the sun in blazing on the cloudless sky mercilessly and it's in the middle of the summer.

He's just about to push the kitchen door open, but something stops him. He feels his heart clench in his chest at the sound that vibrates through the wooden door and falters a little; that was a sob. His mother's sob.

He pushes the door open anyway.

And there, at the kitchen table, are both of his parents, his mother's face buried in her hands and her shoulders shaking as his father tries to comfort him, but there are tears in his eyes too. Hajime feels his pulse pick up speed as his parents turn to look at him, both looking mortified and overcome by grief.

"Mom... Mom, dad, what's wrong...?" Hajime starts, stammering over his words and suddenly feeling much younger than his seventeen years. His mother stands up and walks to him, her shaking arms wrapping around him as his father comes to stand behing her.

"Hajime, dear", his mother starts, voice hoarse and breaking. "We... we have some bad news for you, honey. Grandma, you see..." she stifles a sob and hugs Hajime tighter, "she has passed away this morning", she finishes, and Hajime feels his mind go completely numb and start processing too much stuff at the same time. His father places his hand on his shoulder as a comforting gesture but Hajime can't really process that in his mind right now.

"They were asking if you could perform at her funeral", his father says, his voice tired as he peels his wife's hands from around their son and she turns to cry into his chest instead. "Do you think you could do that? Just play some nice song with your guitar and maybe sing, nothing big and fancy. You know how she loved to listen to you."

All Hajime can manage is a slight nod and a tiny "Yeah. Yeah, I think I can do that." Then he heads to the fridge to take the soda cans he originally intended to bring and proceeds to go back upstairs. His steps are small and slow and his mind completely numb as he makes his way back to Oikawa.

He opens the door, completely forgetting to mentally prepare for Oikawa's complaining.

"Iwa-chaaaaaan", Oikawa's whine invades his ears. "What took you so long? I'm dying over here!" he claims dramatically, and Iwaizumi feels he should say something in return but fuck it, he can't bring himself to care. So instead he mumbles a feeble, hollow sorry.

Oikawa sits up, taken aback by Iwaizumi's lack of usual response. Concern grips his heart as he sees Iwaizumi's face, blank and lost, and he stands up carefully, walking to the shorter boy.

"Iwa-chan?" he asks, his fingers coming to trace Iwaizumi's jawline. He doesn't come too close, because this Iwaizumi in front of him looks vulnerable and fragile, like anything could break him into small, sharp pieces right now and Oikawa is afraid because he has no idea what made this happen and no idea how to deal with this so he keeps his distance while still trying to offer some comfort.

"Iwa-chan, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Oikawa's voice is but a whisper, hanging in the air between them. Iwaizumi averts his eyes and Oikawa can see his eyes glazing over with tears as he shoves the cold soda can at the taller boy with a shaking hand and mumbles a hoarse "'s nothing".

Oikawa reaches to take both cans and proceeds to put them aside onto Iwaizumi's desk. Then he walks back to Iwaizumi who seems to have frozen at the doorstep. The shorter boy is now shaking a little and there are definitely tears sparkling at the corners of his eyes. Oikawa touches his shoulder lightly and guides him to his bed slowly, carefully. He makes him sit down and slumps down next to him, both hands on broad shoulders.

"Iwa-chan, what ever it is, I wanna help, okay? But I can't help you if you don't tell me what it is", Oikawa tries to coax a little, keeping his voice soft as if he was talking to a scared animal or child. Iwaizumi is now biting his lip and Oikawa notices that it's trembling a little.

And then Iwaizumi is clinging to Oikawa's shirt for dear life, tears forming streaks on his cheeks and staining the setter's light blue t-shirt. Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi, quite surprised but more worried, and starts tracing random lines on his back.

"It's okay", Oikawa whispers although he has no idea how anything about this could be okay as he doesn't even know why his friend is crying. "Whatever it is, it's okay", he mutters.

And from somewhere between sobbing, crying, trembling and shaking Iwaizumi manages to say a quiet, cracking and hoarse "no it's not". This surprises Oikawa, and he can't think of anything else to say at this point. He's starting to get really worried now; the times he has seen Iwaizumi cry can be counted with one hand's fingers, and he's never seen anything like this.

So Oikawa waits patiently until the sobs have died down and the tears have subsided, stroking Iwaizumi's back and messy hair. Even then he asks nothing, opting to stay quiet and offer his comfort that way. He isn't a very patient person, has never been, but even he can act patiently when he has to - like now.

"My grandma is dead", Iwaizumi then whispers, so quiet and suddenly that Oikawa nearly misses it. He's a bit shocked, but he presses a soft kiss on the top of Iwaizumi's head and whispers a small "I'm sorry", tightening his hug a bit.

"They want me to perform at her funeral", the shorter continues, voice small and quiet and hoarse and full of pain.

"Oh", Oikawa says, hating himself for not having anything smart to say but he really can't think of anything. "Did you answer already?"

"I said I'd do it", Iwaizumi mutters, and a sob escapes through his lips. "What am I supposed to play?"

"Don't think about it now", Oikawa whispers, his fingers combing through Iwaizumi's dark hair. "We'll figure it out later, okay?" And Iwaizumi nods, another sob tearing its way out from his system. Slowly he calms down, but he still refuses to let go of Oikawa's shirt.

Later that day Oikawa leaves a sleeping Iwaizumi on his bed and goes to offer his condolences to the rest of the family. Kenji clings to him while Kazuki stays a few steps away, obviously debating if he should do as his twin. In the end he does, and Oikawa spends the next fifteen minutes with the twins in his arms. They're old enough to understand the concept of death, he realizes, and no amount of "she's in a better place now" is going to help anymore.

Oikawa texts his mom that he's staying over and makes his way back to his sleeping boyfriend. The tears have dried hours ago, now, but the tracks left by them are still visible on his cheeks. Oikawa takes off his shirt and shorts and climbs into the bed in only his boxers, wrapping his arms protectively around Iwaizumi.

♫♫♫

Three days before the funeral Oikawa is sitting idly on Iwaizumi's bed and listening as the other boy's fingers move along the guitar's fingerboard, accompanying his smooth voice. It's still hot outside and Iwaizumi's window is open, letting in a cool breeze which combined with the music makes Oikawa drowsy. He's floating somewhere between being awake and asleep when something catches his attention, pulling him into full awareness.

One wrong cord. Oikawa doesn't know much about music, in fact he's basically tone deaf, but that one didn't sound right. Apparently he's right, too, because one mistake leads to another and soon Iwaizumi's fingers are fumbling the strings and his voice cracks and his breath hitches and Oikawa shoots up from his lying position, alarmed because Iwaizumi never loses his composure, not like this.

Iwaizumi seems to go numb, the movements of his lips and fingers slowing down and then stopping as a distant gaze sets in his eyes and tears gather at the corners. Oikawa reaches for the guitar and takes it gently away from him, setting it aside, and then takes Iwaizumi's hand. At this point the shorter is already shaking, his breath catching in his throat, and Oikawa laces their fingers together and tries to form an eye contact with him, repeating his name over and over and over again.

Iwaizumi tries to yank his hands away, but only manages to pull Oikawa to him. The setter, however, lets go as Iwaizumi presses his head to Oikawa's chest, still choking and crying.

He can't breathe he can't see he feels like all the sound is coming from really far away his fingers feel numb he can't _breathe_ he has no idea what's happening and he's absolutely terrified, but from somewhere he can vaguely hear Oikawa's voice - yeah, that's definitely Oikawa's wait is this Oikawa's shirt oh god please be Oikawa's shirt he wants Oikawa here right now why can't he _breathe_ \---

And somehow he can hear Oikawa's voice a little better, but it's still quite far away. He looks up and through blur and fog he can make out Oikawa's face - not really the expression but that's definitely Oikawa's face and his voice is sounding louder and louder all the time but Iwaizumi still can't breathe and he feels like he's drowning and maybe probably most likely dying.

He clutches Oikawa's shirt and something touches his shoulder - he starts and turns his head blindly to the general direction and spots a hand and follows it with his eyes to the curve of the arm that disappears under the short sleeve of a light lime green t-shirt and _oh it's Oikawa's hand maybe it's okay then_. He let's go of the shirt and tries to find the hand on his shoulder to grab it because right now Oikawa feels safe and the touch is keeping him grounded and he can maybe breathe a little easier when Oikawa takes his fumbling hand and intertwines their fingers.

"Iwa-chan", Oikawa says, softly. He has calmed down himself, having realized that panicking will get him nowhere. Right now he has to stay calm because panicking himself will also not help Iwaizumi. "Can you hear me?"

He waits a moment and gets a shaky nod.

"Good, that's good. How about we breathe a little, yeah? I count to four and you inhale, I count to eight and you hold your breath and I count to twelve and you exhale, okay? Do you think you can do that?"

Iwaizumi hears - he hears Oikawa's voice and just that is already calming him. It takes him a moment to process what the other just said and he wants to answer, really answer, but he can't find his voice without having it betray him so he nods again, hesitantly because he really doesn't know if he can.

However, as Oikawa starts counting and instructing him patiently, Iwaizumi finds himself breathing easier and easier with every passing minute. Oikawa's smooth voice whispers numbers and tells him what to do with them, and soon he's using his own fingers to count his breaths. It takes time, but finally, _finally_ he can breathe again and the feeling of _I'm going to die_ fades away as he melts into Oikawa's embrace.

“I can’t do it”, Iwaizumi finally whispers after a long moment of silence. His voice breaks several times during one short sentence and Oikawa tightens his hold without a word. There’s really nothing he can say.

Two days later Oikawa listens as Iwaizumi’s soft voice finishes the song without breaking even once, followed by the few last chords that combined send shivers down the setter’s spine and almost make him cry too. Iwaizumi sets the guitar down and looks at it with a sad look in his eyes before picking the instrument up again and starting the song again. Oikawa closes his eyes and listens as Iwaizumi plays perfectly the whole song.

“I’m just jealous of the angels

around the throne tonight”

echoes in the room and now Iwaizumi sets the guitar down without picking it up again. He falls onto the mattress next to Oikawa and presses his head on his friend’s shoulder. In return, Oikawa turns to face him and puts his other arm protectively over Iwaizumi’s torso, for which he earns a quite content-sounding sigh.


	2. Epilogue

Oikawa is already waiting as the car pulls up to the driveway, alerted by Iwaizumi’s message a few minutes ago. He watches as the family exits the car and then his eyes lock on Hajime whose eyes look tired and dead and then the shorter looks straight at Oikawa. For a second they’re staring each other right in the eyes.

Iwaizumi sees worry, the kind that makes you want to do anything for another person, the kind that makes you lose sleep thinking about what you could do. He sees sadness, too, and sympathy. He sees love.

Oikawa sees pain, the kind that tears you up from inside and leaves you feeling empty, the kind that can be brought on only by losing something or someone incredibly important. The kind that can’t be healed quickly, not without someone there to help. He sees numbness and tears not yet spilled. He sees a scream for help.

Iwaizumi turns his gaze down first, and Oikawa takes the chance to look at the twins next. They’re clinging to each other, trying hard not to cry though Oikawa can see tears glistening in both of their eyes. They see Oikawa and run to him, and Oikawa crouches down to give them a hug. The first tears fall on his shirt. He keeps the twins there for a few moments until their parents pry them off and Oikawa straightens himself. He walks past them to Iwaizumi and takes his hand as the rest of the family enters the house. Iwaizumi doesn’t move, doesn’t look at Oikawa. He just stands there, numb, and Oikawa tugs at his hand a little to get him inside. Quietly the shorter complies and Oikawa walks him through the door, past the kitchen where his parents and brothers are and up the stairs to his room.

There are no tears, not until Oikawa closes the door. The second Iwaizumi hears the latch click into its place he wraps his arms around Oikawa from behind, burying his face in the setter’s neck and letting his tears drip on Oikawa’s gray shirt. Oikawa doesn’t turn around, knows Iwaizumi doesn’t want to be seen like this, not right now at least. He can wait until the time is right, but now he’s just going to squeeze Iwaizumi’s hands and rub his knuckles and listen as the other grieves silently.

Ten minutes later they’re on Iwaizumi’s bed, Oikawa rubbing Iwaizumi’s back and kissing the top of his head occasionally as the other goes on and on about how he couldn’t cry, just couldn’t because oh god his brothers were crying and his mother was crying and he’s pretty sure his father was too and he just couldn’t and it hurts so much _Tooru why does it hurt so much?_ and Oikawa can only hold him as Iwaizumi’s broken voice keeps repeating that he couldn’t couldn’t couldn’t cry because his brothers would have freaked out so badly and Oikawa tells him that he’s the best brother the twins could ever wish for.

♫♫♫

A bit past midnight there’s a knock on the door. It slides open quietly, carefully, and Iwaizumi’s mother looks in, eyes tired and worried, making sure that everything’s alright. She finds her son in the arms of his childhood friend and she smiles, thanking the heavens for the boy called Oikawa Tooru who knows her son better that she does herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know, I just needed to write some sort of an epilogue. If you were wondering, yes Iwa-chan performed really well and his mom took a video of it and everyone was crying because Iwa is a wonderful performer even though he doesn't like it that much.
> 
> Feedback is welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, oh god. Poor babies. 
> 
> Iwa's little brothers Kenji and Kazuki will make a brief appearance in the second chapter (http://oikawatooruinedmylife.tumblr.com/post/117149913970/iwa-has-twin-little-brothers-who-are-five-years)
> 
> Please leave some feedback!


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